Most of the time, I run because I want to run. I run to challenge myself, because it feels good, because I can. Sometimes, though, I run because I need to run.
Tonight was one of those times.
My mind was so overwhelmed with thoughts, thoughts so deep and personal I don’t even dare to share them on this website. Running was the only way I could clear my mind. I ran, and I cried, and I tried to escape my thoughts. More often than not, I struggled to breathe, as my crying led to wheezing and refused to release its grip on my chest.
I ran in the dark, just me and a flashlight and a blinker. That, and the absence of other people on the streets, made it far safer to let the tears fall where they may.
This is my fake pseudo-smile. It’s so easy to fake a smile for the camera. Ever noticed that? It’s easy to smile for the split-second of a shutter. It’s so far from reality.
This is much more honest. This is my ugly-cry, holding-back-tears face.
My problems didn’t go away. I didn’t solve every crisis. But my life is so much more manageable with running.